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waistof_paint
Drink up baby doll, are you in or are you out? Leave your things behind 'cause it's all going off without you. Excuse me, you're too busy you're writing your tragedy. These mishaps, your bubble-wrap when you've no idea what you're like. So, let go, jump in. Oh well, what you waiting for? It's all right 'cause there's beauty in the breakdown.
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[Monday
March 24th, 2008] |
i dont want to miss you like this
my eyes begin to tear when i think about the happiness you've brought to me in such a short amount of time.
in my eyes you are the intellect that matches the missing piece of my open minded thoughts, you almost answer any questions or uncertainties i have about life.
nothing can measure up to the late nights i spend awake with you.
the music that caressed our ears, soothing any anxious thoughts that reside in my mind. you are my peace, my tranquility.
you've shown me what it is to be so unique and caring.
you've shown me what its like to be passionate.
i'd give up anything to be laying side by side with you staring at the ceiling lights, just thinking in quiet, letting each others minds think in unicen.
i dont want to miss your deep red sheets dampened in sweat from the nights we spent together pulling covers on and off.
or your boney fingers running across the skin on my ribcage.
thinking about you kissing me on my face makes the pain hurt even worse.
all this pride is hard to swallow when you're not there to share it with.
you my love are so amazing, words can not express the feelings i have deep inside, or the passion that fills my thoughts about you.
i want to relax, with you.
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[Monday
February 25th, 2008] |
fuck everything.
fuck everyone.
fuck feelings.
fuck caring.
fuck being alive.
i hate everyone.
i hate this place.
i hate this school.
i hate these friends.
i have no one.
fuck it. i live in a world of evil and hatred.
all i do is hate on everything and everyone.
im cold as fuck. forever. things are better off this way.
im not being anyones little bitch anymore.
fuck you, you can find someone else to treat like shit beneath your shoes.
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[Tuesday
October 16th, 2007] |
i haven't posted here in a long time.
i really wish someone would just stay. even if its just for a little bit, thats all i really want.
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[Sunday
June 10th, 2007] |
wow so i haven't added an entry in this thing in a longgg time.
shit so this is my life basically in a nut shell.
i sit in the back of adams car with michelle and natasha and we smoke weed the whole night. ahh oh and i've been going to wading river a lot for some reason.
Michelle is like my best friend ever. and im sorry to all my other best friends or whatever but none of you have been there for me like she has lately, and yeah i haven't been there for you guys much either. but it's whatevs. we've all grown apart.
soo idk this is what i look like now?
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[Monday
April 23rd, 2007] |
it seems like everyone is being taken away from me.
first its ashleigh who gets taken away
then its ryan
and now its john.
everything just sucks.
i've never loved anyone like i love this kid. and now its being taken away. it feels like im being punished now. everything is just falling apart and my worst fear is happening and i really dont want to be alone because i can see all of my relationships with my friends slipping from me and its scaring me to death.
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[Thursday
March 29th, 2007] |
so on friday im going to Europe :]
first we're going to London for 3 days and then paris, amsterdam :]]], prague, and munich.
this is going to be a hell of a trip. im excited!
ill make an entry about it when i come back.
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[Friday
February 23rd, 2007] |
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this vacation fucking sucks.
PEACE.
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[Friday
February 16th, 2007] |
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if i could see anyone right now it would be ashleigh. i miss her so much. without her theres a big chunk of me missing, shes my best friend and my family and it's killing me shes not here right now. i was reading her lj before and all the shit that we've done. i spent all my summers and vacations with her and i've never really been so close to someone as i was with her. every night we'd lay in bed and just talk for hours upon hours, we smoked together, drank together, went everywhere with eachother, shit i mean we even had the same boyfriend haha. words cant really describe how much she means to me and how much i miss her. i just want her back so bad. and my dad wont let me go visit her in rehab, i just really dont even know what to do, its not fair. i need her right now so badly.
i miss you ashleigh ryan leyden, my baby girl, best friend, and cousin.
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[Thursday
November 9th, 2006] |
so i got suspended from school for 5 days because i wore a "weapon of mass destruction"
aka a bullet belt
they thought i was going to like blow up the school or something.
i wonder what they'd do if they saw this picture haha
oh and falls hereee
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[Monday
September 18th, 2006] |
hmm so this weekend was fun
i can only remember parts haha
uhmm friday night isabel and lexi came over and we smokeddd
and then i didnt feel well and fell asleep
and woke up around 12 am.
....so here it comes.....
yes john slept over. and guess what? with my moms consent.but just as friends.
we watched V for Vendetta, except he fell asleep on me cause hes a jerk.
oh and then i was basically pushed off the bed for the night.
oh and my sister came home the next day while i was making waffles
and she was like asking john and i why i have birth control and i was like YO BITCH WHY ARE YOU SO NOSEY.
then i went to work. and then becky came overrrrr and we smoked some good weed. and looked at the stars for like an hour.
speaking of weed my mom made me buy her weed the other day lmfao. i love her.
the next day lexi becky kasey and i had a wake and bake and then went out to breakfast. sweeeeeet.
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[Friday
August 18th, 2006] |
heres my apologetic goodbye:
ill send you a love letter
straight from my heart fucker
do you know what a love letter is?
its a bullet from a fucking gun fucker
you recieve a love letter from me youre fucked forever
you understand fucker?
ill send you straight to hell fuck
i must destroy you.
much love,
me
anyways.
i went to the city for 2 nights and it was amazing.
the first night lexi and i took the train to union
and walked around and met up with radi and dorian and this kid angel.
and then lexi radi and i went to astoria around 7
where we later met apollo,whos this columbian kid
and thenn we met oscar too
i was surrounded by attractive men hahaha.
and then radi and i sat on the roof around 9 and talked for hours and i could see the whole skyline and it was amazing. seriously, we talked about everything. and we just laid amd talked about life, it was great man, he's such a nice boy.
well by then end of the night i was drunk and high as fuck and had to take the train at 1 am from queens all the way back to manhattan and it was really confusing. but it was wworth it.
then last night i chilled in manhattan and went to the wax museum. and then lexi and i smokeed on my apartment building roof, haha good times.
( < )
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[Tuesday
August 8th, 2006] |
it wasnt my fucking fault and i didnt fucking know.
get over it.
you shouldve told me how you fuckign feel and didnt treat me like crap and push me away because then this all wouldve never happened.
my nerves are shot.
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[Monday
July 31st, 2006] |
wooooo i redecorated
sorry fatihbaby
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[Saturday
May 27th, 2006] |
im so motherfucking stressed lately.
we got really bad news today from the doctor.
they found out whats wrong with her and shit.
she has to get spinal surgery. and if she doesnt get it
then she might end up paralyzed. but if she does get the surgery
she could still be paralyzed.
agh this fucking blows.
and im still sooooo sick of being let down and shit.
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[Wednesday
May 24th, 2006] |
10 F A V O R I T E S
Flower: dafodils?
Movie: saw
Color: green
Sport: basketball
Store: forever 21. charlotte ruse
Music: almost everything
Book: gossip girls series :x
Car: i dont really care
Person: bobby connors obviosly
Band: jhfljdh geez right now, bring me the horizon
10 F A C T S
Hometown: southold
Mom's name: pamela
Hair color: dark brown.
Hair length: few inches past my shoulders
Eye color: baby blue
Relationship status: single motha fucka
Height: 5'2
Siblings: laura and ryan
10 L O V E L I F E
Why did your last relationship fail?: because he likes a girl he's never met lolololol
Have you ever been heartbroken?: yes.
Have you ever broke someones heart?: probably
Are you planning on getting married?: yes.
Are you afraid of commitment?: mhm.
Do you love love?: yes!
Would you marry just for money?: never. i'd rather live meagerly.
10 T H I S O R T H A T S
Love or lust?: love.
Hard liquor or beer: beer
Night or day?: night.
T.V. or internet?: internet.
Pepsi or coke?: pepsi
Wild night out or romantic night in?: romantic.
Colored or Black&White?: color.
White or dark chocolate?: white.
10 H A V E Y O U E V E R S
Have you ever been caught sneaking out?: yeah.
'Have you ever skinny dipped?: yeah.
Have you ever done something you regret?: yes
Have you ever bungee jumped?: no
Have you ever been on a house boat?: yes.
Have you ever finished an entire jaw breaker?: yeah.
Have you ever stayed up all night til the sun came up?: a lot
Have you ever been caught by your parents with a hicky?:haha nopee i had to hide that shit. big hickey on my boob, good job mike costello.
10 A R E Y O U
Are you missing someone right now?: yesyesyesyes
Are you happy?: yesssss
Are you talking to anyone right now?: bobby and shane
Are you bored?: obviously if im doing this shit
Do you have any German in you ?: 3/4 german
Do you have any Irish in you?: 1/4
Do you have any French in you?: no.
Do you have any Italian in you? the costellos rub it on to me. i have a guiddo accent with some words.
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[Wednesday
May 24th, 2006] |
this weekend should be funnnn
i think bobby is going to school with me friday
and then we're hanging out the rest of the day :D:D:D
and then saturday or sometime over the weekend seeing that we have monday off
i think im hanging out with sean and jake.
thats nice, i like starring at them. they look pretty.
but if im hanging out with them. that automatically means ill probably be the highest ive ever been.
lmfao.
today i realised i typed funny because my left arm wont turn a certain way because of breaking it so many times, so i cant type directly into the keyboard. fucking gay.
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[Sunday
May 21st, 2006] |
I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck
Than any girl you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me
I'm actually really happy
this weekend was hella good.
friday night i went to the movies with lexi and isabel
and then we went to the carnival and met up with dre megan and all these other people
and we smoked up in the fiels.
last night was the zombie apocolypse party at seans house
holy shit so much shit...
travis james ryan and some other kid who looks like a matt...
cam over at like 11
and lexi and i did their makeup for the party llmfao
so then we get in the car and drive to my beach
and we're all smoking out of this water bong it waas crazy yo.
we were driving to the party and james like stopped the car and there was fucking deer and everyone was bugging out.
then we got to the party and kasey michelle caroline sean jake[hottestguyalive]. and we were just chillin there and everyone was dressed up as zombies and shit.
and we smoked and then people started throwing axes.
then travis chelsea squire and sean and 2 other people i dont know went to squires room and he has this fucking trippy piece. it was a glass lobster and it was insane. we smoked out of that and this hookah.
after all of that we went out to the car cause ryan was going to do coke or something?
haha and then jake jummps on the fucking car and then he comes back like 2 minutes later to my window and he was like sorry that was my friend and i was like THAT WAS YOU JERK! and he was like sorryyyy.
yeah then the drives home we pulled into 7-11 and my sister was there lmfao.
ahhhhhh
what a crazy night.
i am so burnt.
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waistof_paint's journal
